Mephisto's Cooking Tips!
by Ace de Tarjetas
Summary: After having Rin fail to get him several basic items from the store, Yukio forces him to go shopping with Mephisto one day. Now he regrets doing that... And now that this has happened, Mephisto wants to teach them how to cook! Now the world will end! Rated T for Mephisto, Rin, swearing, and mild violence.
1. You suck, Rin

**Ace: I was bored one day and came up with this after hearing about Mephisto's cooking. Warning: Some OOC characters, craziness, some cooking tips from Mephisto, and an angry Rin.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Blue Exorcist**

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Chapter 1: You suck, Rin

Yukio

My lesson plans for the week were almost complete when Rin walked in holding a cone topped with three scoops of ice cream. He didn't have a bag with him, so I raised my eyebrow.

"It's too damn hot out there," Rin complained. "I was in line forever to get my ice cream..."

"That's nice and all," I replied, "but did you get water or chips like I asked? And did you grab some ice bags too?"

Rin thought long and hard. "Um... No."

My face slammed on the desk. I had more than enough stress, but my stupid twin made it worse.

"Dammit Rin... I ask you to do simple things, and yet you never do them! Why is that?"

Kuro, Rin's familar, jumped onto his desk. Rin attempted to look at him, but I slammed my fist on my desk.

"Answer me!" I yelled.

"I accidentally forgot... And there's no need to get angry about it!" He snapped.

"I'm angry and frustrated because you can't do simple tasks! If you can't do that easily, then you cannot do anything else! And video games do not count as doing stuff!"

Rin finished his ice cream and held his hands out. "Fine."

I sighed. "At this rate, I might have someone go shopping with you to make sure that you don't mess up again..."

Rin growled at me. "I don't need a freaking babysitter! Kuro, we're going out!" He turned around and stomped off to the door, with Kuro following him. As soon as he slammed the door behind him (and nearly broke the door), I sat back in my chair and rubbed my temples.

Mephisto entered the room a few minutes later, slightly confused. "Why did Rin just walk out of the room in a huff with Kuro?"

"He's acting like a child, like he always does," I grumbled.

"What did he do this time?"

"He doesn't follow simple shopping instructions. He really needs to know how to act like a grown-up."

Mephisto was quiet for a little bit. "I could help him. I need some items at the store, and I could teach him some responsibilities as an older brother, like picking out the right foods and how to cook proper meals."

"You would?" I looked up hopefully. Maybe if someone responsible went with Rin, he would learn how to be an adult quicker.

Mephisto nodded. "I will."

"Thank you. When will you do it?"

"As soon as I find Rin and Kuro, I'll take them to the store and buy groceries with them."

"Good luck," I told him as he left the room. I turned back to my lesson plans and continued to work, happy that my twin brother would learn some responsibility after all.

Ten minutes later, I dropped my pen suddenly and looked out the window.

_What have I done? Did I really let Mephisto teach Rin how to buy food and how to cook?_

The last time Mephisto cooked, it didn't end well. Now that he had Rin helping him, it could only mean one thing: the apocalypse.

Grumbling, I sprung out of my chair, and slipped my coat on. I had to find my brother quickly before a lot of disasters occurred.

_The next time my brother is being an idiot,_ I thought angrily as I grabbed my gun, _I need to be the one who teaches him to be an adult, even if I have work. Because if I do, someone might die._

I dashed out of the room, ready to go find my brother.

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**Ace: I don't know whom to feel sorry for: Rin or Yukio.**

**Anyhow, when Mephisto gives his tips, it's just him instructing his assistant(s) how to prepare a certain dish. Which might end in disaster 98.9% of the time.**

**If there is a dish that will be perfect (or disastrous) for Mephisto to make and I have written it, you may state so in your review, and it will be incorporated into the story. I also have several ideas that will end in multiple different ways.**

**Ace**


	2. Ow!

**Ace: *coughs after entering the room* What is that smell?**

**Rin: *makes a face* Smells like something died**

**Yukio: *looks ready to faint* Mephisto began to cook...**

**Ace and Rin: WHAT?!**

**Rin: You're kidding, right?**

**Yukio: No. He declared that he was making soup and-**

**Ace and Rin: *dash to stop Mephisto***

**Yukio: ... Do I do the disclaimer? *Seconds pass and he shrugs* I'll just do it.**

**Disclaimer: Ace does not own Blue Exorcist.**

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Chapter 2: Ow!

Rin

Mephisto walked into his kitchen with one small bag of groceries and a lollipop in his left hand. He calmly set the bag on the kitchen table.

I, on the other hand, staggered into the room, my arms carrying twenty something bags. I still don't know how I got into this situation, nor do I know how I was carrying so much.

Grunting, I dropped everything on the kitchen table and began to stretch.

"What did you buy at the store? Chainsaws?" I mumbled as I popped one of my shoulder muscles back into place.

Mephisto frowned. "No. Of course not, Rin. I wouldn't buy something like that. That was a very crazy thing to say. I wish that you had been paying attention when we were at the store."

I nodded slowly and turned to leave, completely disregarding what he had said so that I could go to my room and take a note. That was when Mephisto decided to finish his sentence.

"I had you come along so that I can teach you how to buy groceries and how to cook."

I nearly jumped out of my skin and turned around so quickly that I began to stumble a little. "WHAT?!"

Mephisto sighed. "Yukio was quite frustrated with your... Incompetence, so I decided to help you become more responsible.

I growled, making a mental note to strangle both Mephisto and my brother when I had the chance.

Mephisto didn't seem notice my reaction. "Anyhow, today I'm going to teach you how to organize a fridge and then we'll make a pizza together."

I gritted my teeth. "Why pizza?"

"Because I'm in the mood for a delicious pepperoni pizza with hotdogs, macaroni, pasta, and roast beef on it."

I felt slightly sick to my stomach. I sincerely hoped that Mephisto was joking. Then again, I could be wrong.

Sighing, I followed Mephisto and watched how he put the ingredients away. Or rather, he put them away in a random order while I pulled my 3DS out and began to play a few mini-games, looking up every once and a while to see Mephisto's progress.

"Um... Mephisto? Eggs don't go on a shelf..."

Mephisto looked at me. "Oh." He then put the eggs on top of the fridge.

I sighed. "They don't- Just let me put the stuff away."

Mephisto nodded. "All right then. I want to see how you do it."

Turning my 3DS off, I dragged my feet to the kitchen and pulled out all the food. Then, based on common sense, I began to put the food away in the correct location.

* * *

_Two hours later..._

Mephisto walked into the room, apparently have left at some point. "Nice job. You're halfway done with this! You are being a responsible person!"

I nearly threw the flour at him. "HALFWAY DONE?! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU BUY?"

Mephisto began to count his fingers as I continued to put the beans and flour, among other things, in the pantry. "Let me see... Flour, beans, pancake mix, a fabulous cookbook from a demon, another book about cooking from a "goddess", several more cookbooks, twelve weeks worth of every type of food in the store, some cookies... Oh, and a lollipop."

I banged my head against the wall. "Why did you buy that much food?" I feared the response, but I had to ask to figure out what was happening in order to avoid this from happening again in the future.

Mephisto had a gleam in his eyes. "I... Am going to teach you and Yukio how to cook!"

My jaw opened, and I could only gape at Mephisto. Did he lose his mind? And why us?

Mephisto yawned. "I'm going to go find my chef's clothes." With that, he left the room. Seeing this, I quietly put the salsa bottles I was holding, and fled the room.

After several seconds of sneaking away, I was outside, and I jumped for joy. "Yahoo!"

... How foolish I was... If I had only feigned an illness or left the campus…

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**Yukio: Huh. Ace wrote a short chapter, but... Why is the word "cliffhanger" on Ace's notes? And I seriously doubt that Mephisto makes pizzas like that. Must be a part of Ace's imagination... And really? Twelve weeks worth of food? Ace must be laughing at that, as I don't remember Mephisto doing that...**

**Fangirl: *walks by and suddenly stops* Oh my gosh! It's Yukio! *fangirls***

**Yukio: *panics***

**Fangirl: *****hugs Yukio tightly, cutting off his oxygen supply*******

**Yukio: *sees a nauseated Rin nearby* Wait for me Rin! *Pushes girl away and dashes off***

**Fangirl: *****Leaves after a few seconds, somewhat confused*******

**Ace: *comes in after a few seconds, confused and holding a cone with vanilla ice cream* Uh... Thanks for doing this, Yukio... **

**I was going to name the authors for the cookbooks, but they aren't from Blue Exorcist, so they are unanimous.**

**And I don't know who will star next chapter: Yukio or Rin. Might have it be Rin…**

**Until next time!**

**Ace**


End file.
